Blocks

Recently we went over to a friend's house for dinner and they have a year and a half old boy. While my boys were playing in 1 room, the other 3 adults were cooking and I was on toddler duty.

Man, that kid was all over the place.. Climbing on chairs, playing with this, going into the other room, wanting to play with that.. It was like he had new batteries in him and was fully charged, ready to go!

Then finally we settled on stacking blocks. We sat there for about 30 minutes just stacking blocks, but he was having so much fun. (And to be honest, so was I). It had been a long time since I just sat there and stacked blocks. He was doing really well too.  I started remembering all the times we sat there and played with blocks, etc with the boys and how much fun it was..  Did I miss this time? Did I miss it enough to want to have another child?

To quote one of my favorite movies, A Bronx Tale: "Thanks, but we're good where we are".

Reading Is Fun

I've been telling my kids since I felt they could comprehend it, "If you can read, you can do anything". It's true. Think about it. Back during slavery, they wouldn't allow the slaves to have access to books or learn to read for fear they would become educated. It was a way of keeping control. So I explain to them, "if you can read, you can do anything".

Well they are six now and while we've been working hard with them, reading to them forever as well as working with them on spelling, sounding out words, etc, you can't push it. If you push it, they can become frustrated and shut down. Then they'll see it as more of a chore and not learn to enjoy reading. As a parent or as anyone who is teaching someone something, you really have to walk that fine line of knowing when to push someone and when to back off.

Well, it turns out that Mitch can read. We'd be walking in a store and he would just point to a sign and read it. Or we'd be at the kitchen table and he would point to a magazine and read a few words. Turns out, that while at parent teacher conferences a little ways back, his teacher gave us a list of words each Kindergartner should know by the end of the school year. He knows them all. I'm not saying he's reading novels or anything, but this is a child who hasn't exactly done things on what we would call the "normal" timetable. He never crawled. He didn't walk until he was 19 months old. He was about 6 before being fully potty-trained. Granted the kid has had it a little rough, so we were thinking more often than not he would do whatever it was at his own pace.  Well, I'm glad if something was relatively accelerated, it was this.

And he's excited about it too. A new book from school every week and he's excited to read it at night. We get them both new books all the time and they make it part of their routine before going to sleep to make sure we read at least 1 book. And, now that Mitch is doing well reading and how much praise he's getting, Max is starting to step up his game.

So hopefully, perhaps by the end of the calendar year they'll be reading books to us instead of the other way around. And once that happens, it's a whole new world.

Update: I wrote this awhile ago and never posted it. Since then, Max is definitely better at reading, but just shy about reading out loud. Mitch however will read out loud to himself or to anyone. He'll read anything including magazines, shopping circulars, it doesn't matter. He actually calms down at night but taking out his flashlight and reading a book to himself, out loud before going to bed. I couldn't be more proud.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

Well, technically it was Saturday, Saturday, Saturday.. A seemingly innocuous ritual for little kids is going to see the monster trucks.. Somehow this ritual seemed to have eluded me in my childhood, but not to fear, I have 2 boys!  So off we went to see the Monster Trucks on Saturday.

Our seats were great, however it was so loud! Of course the boys had noise canceling headphones, but it was still loud.. I wish I had a pair! It was cool for the boys to see the monster trucks they  had essentially come to life, but I think the better response was with the Motocross bikers doing tricks, flips, etc..

Overall, it was very cool and a lot of fun, especially when a marriage proposal on the jumbotron captured the Kraken and me sitting right next to them (across the aisle)! http://instagram.com/p/kc4ruCj_Ww/

But the Kraken had had enough towards the end.. It was just too loud for him.. So we went out to the concourse where while it wasn't as loud, it was still pretty loud.. Loud enough that he kept his headphones on. While on the concourse I ran in to my friend Josh Hoch who was with his two little ones and his brother in law. We talked for a bit and both commented on how loud it was. I said I couldn't believe how many kids in there, especially little ones that didn't have ear protection. And he said it should be mandatory. Hmm..

With the roads as they were Saturday night, I did not think about it during our 3 hour trip back from Worcester that should have normally taken about 1 hour. However for the rest of the weekend I did think about it. I'm not a big "mandatory" or "force things on people" kind of person, but when you think about how children are still developing everything at this young age, ear protection at an event like this would be the intelligent thing to do. It can't be up to the child as they are not old enough know for the most part. If it is within their control, it is the parent's responsibility to ensure their child is protected.

I recently took the Twinado ice skating for the first time. Now I grew up in the 80s where not only did we not wear bike helmets, but our parents had no idea where the hell we were for a good 10 hours during the day. They said go play outside and I'll yell for you to come home for dinner. If we came home for lunch then we came home for lunch.. Otherwise, when you heard your mom's very distinctive yell or saw the street lights come on, you knew it was time to go home.. And you went home. If you fell off your bike and skinned your knee, elbow, etc you could go home for some treatment. Then it was right back out there. I also had very large backyard when I was growing up and part of it was woods, so in the winter we would go skating. Lots of downed trees and ponds on the property. We never wore helmets and we didn't even wear skates. Just sneakers. Did we fall down sometimes?  Yup. And did we even fall in sometimes? Yup.

All of that aside however, I did not hesitate one second to make sure I put their bike helmets in the car so I wouldn't forget to bring them skating. They had no issues wearing them as they just think this is what you do. And man am I glad they had them on. Within 5 minutes of skating, the Kraken took a spill and hit his head on the ice. With the helmet, he's back up and skating within 30 seconds.. Without the helmet, we're more than likely at the ER facing a concussion, possible stitches and who knows what else. And later, this little shit thinking he's the next NHL star (which he won't be because he fell more than we did) totally takes us out as we're all holding hands skating.. So again, the helmet saved them. For those curious, no I did not fall.  :)

I am curious though what people think about this topic. What do people think about helmets in general? Should they be mandatory for everyone riding a bike, ice skating, etc or just kids?  If just kids, for what ages?  Under 18? 13? What would be the cut off? What about the headphones or at the very least something to cover their ears while at an event such as the Monster Trucks? Should those be mandatory for everyone? Just kids? Should they be maybe included in the price of the ticket and given out at the event?

Let me know your thoughts. Post them on my FaceBook at www.facebook.com/ben.thaler.9 and on Twitter @bdthaler or @TwinsOfAnarchy

Blank Slate

For lack of a better term, kids are blank slates. They may have some innate talent or intelligence passed down that is hereditary, but otherwise, pretty much blank slates.

We can make these children into anything we want them to be. We can teach them manners, or we can teach them to be rude. We can teach them to read so they can learn, or we can teach them to watch TV so they can zone out. We can teach them to try new foods and expand their taste buds, or we can just feed them processed food which is bad for them, but we know they like just so they eat.

Whitney Houston had it right when she said that the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Jesus, did I just quote Whitney Houston from memory?  Ugh, don't worry I'll show myself out of man town.

But seriously, when our kids grow up, they are going to be the next leaders of our country. The next teachers, the next architects, the next programmers, the next pro athletes, the next everything. So don't we want to give them the best head start we can?

I'm not saying it's going to be easy. Nothing worth doing ever is. To quote one of my favorite movies, Road Trip: "That's why they call it a shortcut. If it was easy, it would just be the way". Don't take any shortcuts. it'll be worth it in the end.

Prodigy

Everyone thinks their kid is a prodigy of something.. Whether they can hit a golf ball at 2 (my son is the next Tiger Woods) or they can write their name at 3 (they're going to become the next great author), and so on and so forth.

Truth is, prodigal-type talent is mostly inherited. I have no concrete data to back that up, but just indulge me here. My guess is the reason Jason Bonham is such a kick ass drummer is because his father was such a kick ass drummer. And when you are around that type of environment when you are growing up, the part of you that inherited it comes out if fostered correctly. That doesn't mean that kids who don't have John Bonham as their father won't grow up to be amazing drummers, it just helps a little bit..

But don't worry if your child isn't exhibiting signs of being a prodigy of athletics, mathematics, science or anything for that matter. Sometimes a kid is just a kid. The majority of them are. I took the Twinado bowling by myself this Sat morning and then we spent a few hours outside at the playground, the soccer field and the track. Man, were they pooped! (and so was I). They got great exercise on a gorgeous early spring day and now they are relaxing because they are tired. Sometimes I think we push our kids too hard because it's important to have them try so many different things to figure out what they like and what the don't.

Sometimes we just need to let them be kids and I think they'll figure that out all in good time.

Oh, by the way, this is prodigy drummer I recently saw on the interwebs.. He's 6.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=g1qg9myFCqw

Times, They Are A Changin?

There's definitely something weird going on.. Not sure what it is though. Daniel has always been big into Superman and Douglas into Batman. It's like blasphemy if you even look at it as the other one will freak out saying "no that's mine"! Same way with some stuffed animals. Douglas has this puppy which he affectionately calls, well, puppy. And Daniel this very soft and cuddly blue bear, appropriately named, well, blue bear. Daniel also has this white pound puppy he just calls white. I don't know where they come up with these names.

Now it gets weird. Earlier this past week, Daniel actually gave, not traded mind you, gave his blue bear to Douglas for him to have in his bed while he sleeps. This is the blue bear that goes with him to his grandparent's house every weekend. He cannot sleep without it. Instead he wants to take this alligator.

This alone, while a little weird, would not have been such a big deal.

However, this past Saturday he allowed Douglas to wear his long sleeve Superman shirt. Ok, he's being nice and sharing his shirt. But then, in a stunning turn of events, said that he could keep it in his drawer! I had to ask him 3 times to make sure I was hearing it correctly. This essentially means that he will no longer wear it. Because they wear the same size shirts, their drawers are kind of interchangeable, however they do have "their" shirts that only they wear. The Superman shirt was definitely one of those and is now being discarded like an expired coupon. Douglas then gave his Batman shirt to Daniel which is now his to wear along with puppy to sleep with.

It gets even weirder. I went in to tuck them in before I went to bed and didn't even realize until the next morning that they had switched beds!!

Are they growing up realizing they want different things?  Are they just going through a phase? What are they going to do next say that they don't want to wear Angry Birds, Ninja Turtles or Phineas and Ferb underwear anymore?  Oh, that is going to be a sad day..

Where Were You

There are those moments for all of us. Some are personal and some are local, national and even global.

For people who remember, they know where they were when JFK was shot. (Way before my time). They know where they were when the Challenger exploded. (I was in my classroom having recess because my teacher for whatever reason wouldn't let us watch. Another student barged in and told us what happened). They know where they were when 9/11 happened. (I was at work and when told that a plane had hit the WTC, I asked NY or Boston because I knew my mother in law worked at the one in Boston).

But if we think about the ages that we were when certain life events occur, we don't remember much when we're young. I was 10 for the Challenger so I remember that. But I don't remember the Iranian hostage crisis as I was only 3. I don't remember Reagan or Lennon getting shot as I was only 4.

I've struggled going back and forth on whether or not to expose my kids to some of the horrors that are happening in today's very screwed up world. They do not know, to the best of my knowledge about the shooting at Sandy Hook. All I did was come home that night and hug them as tightly as I could. And we snuggled for a long time before they went to sleep. We have never talked about it.

As for yesterday, I don't believe they know either. The TV was definitely on while they were eating dinner, but they did not pay attention. They did not ask what happened, nor did I offer it up. Even though my son had someone running in the marathon for him as part of the Miles for Miracles program with Boston Children's Hospital, he still did not ask. We had been there at the finish line just 48 hour earlier.

Do I show them the video? Do I then teach them about what true evil looks like? Do I save their innocence, even if it's just for 1 day until the next evil comes along in some other form?

I brought them into work with me today. Really for no other reason than just to be with them. It seemed like a good day to do it. We had lunch together in the kitchen. They drew me pictures. It was nice.

My guess is in the future they would not remember what happened yesterday as they are only 5. And even if they did remember, they may not be able to process it completely now so their memory of it would be faint at best.

I think I'll leave it alone and hopefully they'll never know what evil really is.

How to Diffuse a Tantrum

For centuries, as long as there have been children, there have been temper tantrums.. Actually, as long as there have been adults there have been temper tantrums too..

But the hard part is what to do once it happens.. You can see it coming too. They ask for the toy and you say no. First, they get really sad when they don't get what they want. With some kids you might even get that lip quiver trying to make you feel badly. Then they might hold their breath.  And when all else fails, they start crying loudly and falling to the floor wailing. Then, the last step is to go boneless. It's really quite simple and depending on the parent, effective in getting what they want.

Except when you know how to diffuse a tantrum. Knowledge is power. Every parent is afraid of that situation when you are in public, perhaps at a supermarket or department store and the tantrum starts.

I have to say I cannot take credit for this. My wife is the one who came up with it.

When you see the tantrum start, follow these 3 easy steps to diffusing most tantrums:

1. Tell the child they are doing it wrong.

Huh?  What are you talking about?  Just trust me. Clearly the child will stop to look inquisitively at the parent trying to figure what they mean. Don't they understand that I am trying to throw a tantrum here?

2. Tell them how to do it properly. Show him that it's stomp, stomp, arm, arm and not arm, arm, stomp, stomp.

You will have the most bewildered child in the world at this point. Is my adult human really trying to tell me how to properly perform a temper tantrum? I'm the temper tantrum master don't they know this?

And then, when you have them all sorts of confused, lay the big one on:

3. Then, you flop down on the floor and flail!

Seriously, just do it. Your child will think that this is so funny and the best thing ever. Don't get me wrong, they will throw the tantrum, but they'll be LAUGHING while they do it.

Not only did you just change your child from crying to laughing in a matter of a minute, you just diffused a potentially embarrassing situation (especially if you are in a public place) and you didn't lose your temper yelling at your child.

While I can't guarantee success, I can say you have a much better chance of making a bad situation into a funny one. It seems to work with a 100% success rate in our house.

And as you are leaving the store, be sure to bow to the rounds of applause from the other parents. You will have earned it.

Twinny Twin Twin!!

New York City, 6p. Wendy Smith is boiling some water for dinner and accidentally burns her right hand. At the same time, across the country in Los Angeles, Wendy's twin sister Bonnie feels a sudden and sharp pain in her right hand. Coincidence?

Remember those? Whether you believe them or not, there is no doubt that twins is an interesting thing. There is absolutely an innate connection. While mine are fraternal (two separate eggs fertilized), they are still as close as identical. We saw 3D ultrasound pictures of them in the womb where they would be rubbing heads. And very often, after they came home, if we put them in the same crib to nap, they would end up with their heads touching, even though they didn't start that way.  It also happens on the couch. They'll be sitting on the couch watching a movie, separated by maybe 1/3 of the couch. Sooner or later you just see them drift towards each other until they are right next to each and don't even realize it.

Sometimes I equate them to the aliens in one of my favorite 80s' movies, "Just One of the Guys". (I highly recommend it). There are these alien twins who appear at the school and cannot be separated. Check out this clip. Fast forward to about the 1 minute mark to see what I mean:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMwIYmgviP0

I'm not saying it's always like this, but there are points where they need to be together. I swear there's nothing cuter than going into my twins' room and finding they are sleeping in the same bed. Only they don't always start that way. Clearly at some point one goes into the other's bed. Daniel has a full size bed and Douglas a twin. For a while they were sleeping in Daniel's bed and that was fine because there was enough room for both and as long as they slept, we didn't care. But lately, they've been wanting to sleep in Douglas's bed, which remember is only a twin. Now we all know how much room there is in a twin bed. More likely than not, many of you reading this have slept in one. Sometimes even with company. We all know it's not the most comfortable of night's sleep.

But really, who is it hurting? Well, I guess it's hurting Douglas because he woke up with a bloody nose the other morning. You know why? Because Daniel had hit him in the face while he flailed around in his sleep because there's NO ROOM FOR TWO PEOPLE IN A TWIN BED!

But we figure it's easier to let them grow out of the stage where they want to sleep in the same bed then force them to do anything that will produce the sound from this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMwIYmgviP0

Baby-Proofing

Should you do it? Yes you should. Is it necessary to wrap everything in your house with bubble wrap?  No. Kids need to learn boundaries.

Take the proper precautions like putting covers on the outlets. We put safety locks on the cabinets in the kitchen that they could reach. We made sure to tell them what was and what was not acceptable. What they could open and what they couldn't. However, that only goes so far depending on your kids.

We were at a friend's house one day when my boys were about 18 months or so. Then one of mine comes up to me with the lock that was on my friend's entertainment center cabinet and hands it to me. So much for that child proofing!

But we have a coffee table that has some sharp corners. I think I've gotten hurt on them more than the boys have. But if they did get hurt, they would learn to be careful and not to play around the coffee table.

I'm not advocating doing nothing and just letting them go nuts all over the house and get hurt all the time. Take the necessary precautions when they start becoming mobile, but leave some things off the list and test them. Tell them no and that they are off limits and see how it goes. If they listen and understand, then slowly remove certain things as they get older. Before you know it, it'll be a non-issue for both the kids and the parents.

Running with Scissors

I have to admit, we're pretty lucky. Having twins enables us to sleep because they always have someone to play with. I also will not complain because if there is one thing we were blessed with it is good sleeping kids. On any given night they'll sleep 10 hours, straight through. And based on everything we've been through, we deserve at least that.

So we've conditioned them from a very young age that Saturdays and Sundays are for sleeping. So when they wake up, they usually either go downstairs to the playroom, go to the kitchen table and play with whatever game is available, or stay in their rooms and play with cars, build forts, etc.. But they know that Saturday and Sunday is for sleeping. Unless there's something going on, we can usually get to 8am, which is usually unheard of when you have kids.

So for Hanukkah the boys got Trouble and Sorry as gifts. How apropos, right?  Anyway, Trouble was already opened and played ad nauseum, although it is a fun game. Sorry was still in the cellophane wrapping. They came into our bedroom Saturday morning and asked if we could come downstairs, open it and play. It was too early so we said play Trouble for a bit and well come down soon, open Sorry and we'll play. I came downstairs shortly thereafter to walk the dog only to find the Sorry board game open, set up on the living room floor with the two of them quietly playing. Reluctantly, I asked how they got the game open. And of course, the answer was "with scissors".

After feeling my heart in my throat, I took a deep breath knowing that they were fine so clearly nothing bad had happened. I asked them to show me what they did. They walked me into the kitchen, opened the kitchen drawer and pulled out the pair of scissors they used. They even said, "and we carried it like you showed us", which is with your hand over the closed blades. Hey, I gotta give them points for at least listening. Since their hands are not strong enough to open the scissors, it looks like it was a team effort. They got the cellophane open, put the scissors back, shut the drawer and played the game.

Now, there is no way I can be mad really. I WANT them to be more self-sufficient. I WANT them to be independent and take care of things I know they can. I WANT them to work together to come up with solutions to problems. I just didn't think it would happen so quickly!

So I explained to them that while I was very impressed at what they did, that they always needed to be careful when utilizing scissors or any sharp object and never to run with them. They understood.

Now, if I could only get them to pour their milk for their cereal...

Turkey for you..

So, Thanksgiving is over.  I can honestly say I did not over eat.  I guess I did something wrong then. But I did eat. I've been eating differently since my last kidney stone episode, but Thanksgiving is different. It's ok to let yourself go every once in a while.

Something I have always wanted to do as well, I did. I played football outside on Thanksgiving with my son. Daniel and I played for about half an hour and it was so much fun. My brother in law and his two kids were there too and everyone had a great time. Not to mention, the kid has quite an arm! And accurate too, somewhat..  While he did catch a few, we have to work on that.  Maybe he'll just be a quarterback.

But what was missing was my wife and my other son. After the surgery, he needs to recuperate and can't do too much. Being with his brother and his cousins would have been too much stimulation for him. There is no way we would have been able to keep him grounded, literally. He would have been running and jumping and that would have been extremely detrimental to his recovery. So he had to stay home.

It was no fun celebrating Thanksgiving without my entire family. while I don't wish to do that again, I know that they were only 1 hour away. They were not half a world away. Please, everyone let's put our differences aside for just a minute to realize what we have.

Whenever we go to Children's Hospital, it is always the most humbling experience.  Not only is it the best hospital in the world, but it always manages to put things in perspective. You literally are there in the lobby and you look to the left of you and see a child who is worse off than yours. Then you look to the right and you see another child worse off than the other one. Then you look at yours and you don't feel happy, you don't feel sad.  You just feel thankful.

Let's all take a moment and be thankful for whatever it is you wish to be thankful for. But let's remember that for all our differences and for all its faults, we live in the greatest country that has ever existed. Let's be thankful for that.

7th Time's a Charm?

So as I sit here in our personal section (or at least it seems that way) of the waiting area of Boston Children's Hospital (again), I'm reminded of the first time I sat here. It was exactly 5 years ago to the day and we were waiting anxiously to hear from the doctor about how the heart surgery had gone. We had gotten the news about 48 hours prior (as we were about to take him home for the third time) that Douglas's aorta narrowing had gotten worse. The two previous attempts to take him home were thwarted by last minute spikes in blood pressure (In hindsight, probably a good thing). It stemmed from an improper closing of the PDA valve after birth. This caused a narrowing in his aorta making it extremely hard for the blood to flow. Because he was so small, probably only about 5 pounds or so at this point, his heart was working overtime just to pump the blood normally but was working double overtime because of the narrowing. This was causing his blood pressure to spike even more. They told us if they did not operate to remove the blockage in 72 hours, his heart would literally explode.

Now you would think that news like this would be so devastating to new parents that they would break down uncontrollably and cry. But after the last 10 weeks of what we and the boys had been through, this was pretty much par for the course (and should have been a sign of things to come). Long story short, the procedure went flawlessly, his blood pressure is stellar and the annual EKG's have all been fun actually since he gets to play with all the stickers on his body.

But I've come to the realization that the old saying is true: That which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Because this kid is the strongest 5 year old I know and if he can get through all of this in his first 5+ years of life, he can get through anything that life will throw at him. I love him more than he'll ever know.

One Tooth, Two Teeth

Summer of 1983 is when I lost my first tooth. I had just turned 7 and my family was on vacation in Vermont. (Coincidentally enough Amy and I are going to that same resort for a long weekend in October. Weird, I know)  Anyway, my tooth was so loose before we left I was worried that the tooth fairy wouldn't know where to find us if it fell out.. So I wrote the tooth fairy a letter telling her the address of where my family and I would be staying so in case my tooth did fall out, she could find us. Lo and behold, my tooth fell out while we were in Vermont and the tooth fairy was able to find me and leave me something under my pillow.  And yes, I do still have the letter.

Well, history seemed to almost repeat itself almost 30 years later. My wife and I were on vacation with the twinado visiting relatives in NY and NJ and making a stop in between to go to Philly. One of Douglas's bottom teeth was very loose when we left for vacation and we had a feeling it would fall out while we were away.  So before leaving we made sure to get some Sacagawea coins from the bank. Hey, no one wants to carry those things around and a shiny new coin is the equivalent of giving a baby a box to play with.

Towards the end of the week we were visiting my wife's grandmother in Southern Jersey and took a day to head to Sesame Place, which was only about 40 minutes away. The boys had a great time and were doing so well until Douglas got a little scared while just about to go on one of the water rides.  It's a really good thing we didn't wait in line for 45 minutes to go on this ride, because then it would have been a total waste. (Yes, that was sarcasm).

However, on the way down to the bottom of the stairs, Douglas says "Mommy look" and points to the newly formed hole in his mouth..  So excited, Amy asked him where the tooth went and of course, got the 4 year old shrug of "I don't know".. So she did what any good mother would do and started looking all around on the ground for a tooth the size of a grain of rice in a crowd of 50 people. Numerous bystanders started asking if was she ok or if she had lost a contact lens. As soon as she told them her 4 year old son just lost his first tooth, immediately she had 5 mothers on the ground all looking for his tooth.  Unfortunately, after some time it was evident that the tooth was lost and we were going to have to figure something out.

While he was not too sad about losing the tooth, he was more curious how we were going to let the tooth fairy know where he was.  So the idea was that we would write a letter to the tooth fairy letting her know we were on vacation in NJ and giving the address of where we were staying.  However, there is this little problem of how does she find the tooth?  So, thankfully we still had a map of Sesame Place.  We circled the ride and the area that it fell out and included it in the letter.  Douglas signed his name to it and we placed it in an envelope under his pillow.

Now, you're saying wait a minute.. How does the tooth fairy know that he even lost a tooth?  How does she know to come to the house if the address and where to find the tooth is in the letter?  There are so many holes to this story.. But thankfully we are dealing with a 4 year old who thinks the tooth fairy has orange skin, blue hair and red eyes. So I think we're safe with this one.

We put him to bed with the envelope under his pillow but the kid would just NOT GO TO SLEEP! I'm thinking of calling in Samuel L Jackson at this point because seriously, it was past 1030p, we had had a very long day and I was tired..  If I, er the tooth fairy, was going to put the coin under his pillow, he needed to be asleep!! So finally at some point past 11p when I can barely keep my eyes open he falls asleep. I carefully exchange an envelope with the coin in it for the envelope with the letter and map. All is right with the world.

Fast forward to the next morning when he wakes up, early of course because it's vacation.  He comes into our room and says that there's nothing under his pillow. Now, I know for a fact there was because I did it, but obviously I couldn't tell him that. So I told him it had to be there all the while he is inconsolably balling because he didn't get anything from the tooth fairy (I blame society for this).  Thankfully, the envelope had just fallen behind the bed from under his pillow while he flailed around during the night.  He was extremely happy with his shiny, new gold coin and was very excited to put it in his piggy bank when we got home.  So excited in fact that he wanted to carry it around with him for the rest of the trip to make sure he didn't lose it. While you would think that would have disaster written all over it (his nickname is The Kracken after all), believe it or not he kept that coin with him for 2 more days and did not lose it. So I have to give him credit for that.

Since this episode, he has since lost the tooth next to the other one so he now has a gaping hole on the bottom of his mouth. Now you're saying "hmm, 4 seems to be a little young to be losing teeth".  And you'd be correct. However, in terms of doing things first between his brother and him, let's just say the scales are not tipping in his favor.  So while it may be early, at least he lays claim doing something first.

The Day

For anyone who knows me, I have pretty much been the same weight since I graduated college..  There was this uptick of about 10 pounds my senior year from 150 to 160, but I honestly have no idea why.. Must have just been a fluke; you know, one of those things..

Anyway, I've been hovering around 150 for the better part of almost 15 years now (ugh, has it really been almost 15 years since I graduated college?) and I've been able to eat pretty much anything I wanted.. It's a gift you know?  It's like I can't control it. (Anyone who's seen The Girl Next Door knows that line). My metabolism, thanks to my grandfather, helped me out with that..  Truth be told, I've always been pretty active, but I've slowed down a bit in recent years.. With a full time job and the Twinado, my nights of playing indoor soccer have disappeared and my days of pick up hoop games with friends have waned into non-existence. Don't get me wrong, chasing the boys around, playing at the park with them or even taking the dog for a walk is good exercise, just not to the level I'm used to.

However I had an epiphany recently, or maybe it was a hallucination from the excruciating pain I was feeling while enduring my third kidney stone in the last 8 years.. I have no idea why God picked me to have these, but oh I am so thankful!! I used to think that you're never given anything you can't handle (see previous blogs), but seriously this isn't even funny.  My first one was in 2004 when living in Smallbany, NY. I would write a blog about that, but we weren't even there long enough for anything interesting to happen.. Oh, except for all of our belongings being stolen by the movers, but that's another blog for another day I guess..

It was in the middle of the night and it was pain unlike I had ever experienced before.. I had never really had any type of pain experience like that so I wasn't sure what to expect.  Of course, Amy wasn't feeling well that night so she had taken the red devil (NyQuil) so she could sleep.  So there she is in her NyQuil coma and I am writhing around in pain on the floor thinking something is going to burst through my side like in Alien (yes, I know, that was his chest but your kidney's aren't in your chest now are they?) 

Thankfully my wailing eventually woke her with obviously no clue as to what was happening.  Not knowing the area too well, or really what was going on, 911 was the best course of action.  While the ambulance is on its way I thought I could make it to the door.  It is the middle of the night, in February, in Albany so it's not exactly balmy out. Somehow I have clothes on when the paramedics arrive.  I thought I could crawl the length of the hallway from our bedroom in the back of the apartment to the front door, which in retrospect isn't that long, but seemed like one of those never-ending hallways.  Well, I didn't make it.. I collapsed somewhere between the end of our bedroom and the beginning of the kitchen, which was probably a total of 5 feet.  They had to put me on one of those chairs that keeps you in a tuck position because the pain of having to straighten my body was unbearable. Amy followed along in her car while the ambulance drove to the hospital which was about 5-10 minutes away. I do remember them hooking me up to the IV and giving me morphine for the pain.  I remember them saying " OK 5 cc's of morphine" and administering it.  Then they ask you, if you've never been in an ER or ambulance for a pain-related emergency, "describe the pain from 1-10?"  So I said 20!  OK, I'll let you in on a little secret here.. I don't deal with pain well.. I mean, a cut on my finger, or s stub on the toe, big deal.. but real, actual pain?  Nope..  So they gave me another 5 cc's of morphine. After a minute or two, they asked me again and I think I said 15.  So yes, they gave me 5 more cc's of morphine and then I was floating.  I was done. No more pain.  No more anything really..  The relief was the best thing I had ever felt..  Until it wore off at some point in the hospital so they gave me a prescription for Vicodin. While at CVS filling my prescription for Vicodin, the pharmacist asked me what it was for as it was heavy medication.  I told her it was for a kidney stone and she said, and I quote" I have had 3 children by vaginal birth and I have had 1 kidney stone.  I would gladly have 3 more children by vaginal birth than have another kidney stone." Fan-tas-tic.  Now make with the Vicodin before the one I took wears of..  

Unfortunately, I did not pass it so I had to sit on the couch for a few days and in between popping Vicodin drink those 24 oz sport bottles of Poland Spring and pee every 5 minutes into a strainer to hopefully pass a stone that was about half the size of a grain of rice, if that..  Tons of fun let me tell you..

The second one, of course in the middle of the night again was not as bad as before the ambulance even arrived I was already starting to feel better.. It didn't mean I wasn't in pain and didn't gladly accept the morphine they were giving me, it just didn't hurt as much for as long the second time. However, circumstances had changed because we had 2 very young children and in the middle of the night, it just wasn't going to be possible to have Amy and the boys follow me.  So after I was released, the ER called me a cab and yes, I took a cab home from the hospital. Only, I didn't have any money and had to plead with the guy to take me home explaining my situation.  I was praying that we had some cash at home to give him and thankfully, we had just enough.  Sorry dude, no tip this time.. Maybe next time..

And yes, there was a next time.. For the kidney stone, not the cab thankfully..  But of course, the middle of the night (there has to be something to this) and there it is again.. Agony.. After already having had two of them, I knew exactly what the pain was. So we pack up the boys in the car and drive to the ER. Toridal and Dilaudid this time around, which did the trick.. We were only there for a few hours and still was able to get a few more hours sleep on Saturday morning..  However, we were planning on going with some friends to Davis Farmland which had already been postponed once for the weather.  It was the boys' birthday weekend and I didn't want to miss it.  So I perc'd up and it was pretty fun actually.. 

 
So, the real point of this blog (if you're still reading) is that for the first time in my life, I'm on a diet.Well, it's not really a diet I guess, just trying to cut sodium.  You would not believe the sodium content in some things.. I'm not saying that too much sodium will kill you, but there are lots of things that we eat that can have lasting effects on our health  I'm not here to preach don't worry.  But my point is in addition to the fact I have no want at all to relive the pain of another kidney stone, I do have the want to see my sons grow up. . These last 5 years have totally changed me. But it doesn't have to be just kids. It can be parents, grandparents, siblings, grandchildren, whomever.  It doesn't matter who as long as it's someone. I'm not saying don't enjoy life, I'm just saying make sure you make it last a long time. And while I don't want to go too crazy, I will if I have to.  Because I think it's worth it.

Best of You

We made a conscious decision when we had the boys (at some point when we were conscious, but I'm not quite sure I remember when that was) that the one place we had that was sacred was our cars.  No kids music in our cars.  Period.  We were going to listen to what we liked and they were going to deal with it.  And it actually worked.  That decision has paid enormous dividends already as our kids go around singing Foo Fighters, Green Day, Beastie Boys (you gotta hear that shit, it's pretty funny).  It makes long car rides that much more enjoyable when instead of Sesame Street we're listening to Marilyn Manson covering "This is Halloween" from Tim Burton's A Nightmare Before Christmas.  For whatever reason, they're not scared.

So one day while on the way to school and listening to Foo Fighters, I told them that mommy and daddy have seen the Foo Fighters twice in concert.  So naturally, the next question is "Can we go see the Foo Fighters?"  Now, of course, these are the kids who used to go screaming from the vacuum cleaner because it was too loud.. They're supposed to sit through 3 hours of Dave Grohl, Taylor Hawkins and company?

So naturally I said, "well, when you're older".  But why?  Do we shield our kids from certain things just because of their age too much?  What if my boys were 10?  Would it be ok then?  Does everyone's first concert have to James Taylor or the Moody Blues?  My first concert wasn't until I was 16 (Steve Miller Band on the lawn at Great Woods).  But since there's no lawn anymore as well as it not being called Great Woods for many years, I don't go too often).

When I was 10 years old there was this huge pop star named Michael Jackson.  You might have heard of him.  He was kind of a big deal.  He was coming to the Boston Garden on tour and my sister and I wanted to go.  We were told no. Sorry mom, but looking back that would have been the most kick-ass show to say my first concert was Michael Jackson in the mid-80s.  I'm over it, but I digress.  The reason was because I was too young.  But I think that an experience like that could shape people.  What if going to that show at 10 years old brought out some love of music I didn't know I had.  Maybe then I wouldn't have had to fake play the clarinet later that year in my elementary school concert because I had no idea what I was doing. We just don't know.

Life is all about experiences and what you take from them and make from them.  So while taking my 4 year olds to see the Foo Fighters would probably be a little irresponsible, I'd say the show is quite possibly in their near future.  Because you never know, maybe it'll open up something inside of them that makes them the next Dave Grohl. (Oh that would be so awesome).

GOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLL!!!

Well, this past spring the day had finally come for the boys' first soccer practice.. You can't really call it a game as it was more like herding cats than an actual game.. My first thoughts when signing the boys up for soccer were that one kid would kick the ball and then sit down and cry because the ball wasn't passed back to him and the other kid would just go around kicking everyone in the shins..  I'll leave it to you to guess which was which..

In any event, it wasn't so bad.. Although the kids were all over the place (there were about 20 of them) things were relatively contained.  The parents were semi-involved which was good and they kept the kids moving around for the majority of the time, which I guess is the point at the U4 level.

One thing I did notice was that every parent, grandparent, guardian or whomever had a cup of coffee in their hand.  Now, it certainly wasn't balmy out at 10a Sat morning, but it was ok.  Seriously if Dunkin Donuts would just get a mobile van and take it to all the parks around town where kids are playing baseball, soccer, etc they would make a fortune (even more than they already make)!  Fortunately for me I don't drink coffee.  Unfortunately for me, I am always tired.

It will be interesting to see how they progress with soccer and whether or not they want to continue. They're starting to get into things like music and instruments. I definitely want to encourage trying different things.  We're researching possibly signing one of them up for Ju Jitsu, but I just saw a take down of some kid on Tosh.0 last night that makes me re-think that research.

I certainly don't want to restrict them from trying anything, but I also don't want them to get burnt out because of so many activities. Unless one of them develops a 95 mph fastball with a nasty breaking ball.  Then it's on!

Name Game

Sitting in the pediatrician's office the other day I was reading a magazine. You know one of those magazines that says they're for parents but really the only time they mention a dad is when they are telling them what to get the mom as a gift for what a wonderful job she does raising their child all by herself with no help from him..  But I digress, that's a blog for another day..

So there I am reading letters that parents (moms) have written in with stories about how their wonderful child's name came to be..  I mean some of these were ridiculous..  One person wrote about how they named their son Reef because they were avid scuba divers and loved the ocean.  Another couple named their daughter Azure because she was conceived on a picnic blanket underneath a clear azure sky..

Really people?  What ever happened to naming your child the old conventional way?  After movie characters..  When we were told we might be having 2 boys and not a boy and a girl we quickly had to come up with a second boy name..  At this point we were both dazed and confused about everything going on and since that's one of our favorite movies, we decided a name from that movie would work well. And it's even more fitting he's got this creepy Wooderson laugh..  Alright, alright, alright...

When Life Gives You Lemons: Part 3

This is where the movie part ends. There were no flowers or cards or cigars.  I sat alone in my room for a couple of hours, but it seemed like an eternity.  Unable to see my wife or my children I had no idea what was going on.  Occasionally a nurse would come in and ask if I needed anything like water, etc..  While it was appreciated, it certainly wasn't going to help.  It was the middle of the night, well technically now very early in the morning so we weren't going to call anybody.  We had already made the decision that evening on the way to the hospital that if we did have the babies that we would wait until the morning to call and not have any one come that day.  It was going to be hectic enough without having people around to ask questions we just didn't know the answers to.

Finally I was able to see my wife which was nice..  She had done such a great job.  I was so proud of her.  But we were so concerned about the health of the babies that we really had no time to think about anything else.  Because they were so premature, born at 28 weeks and 1 day, they were immediately moved to the NICU (Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit) where they would be hooked up to more wires and tubes than I would ever see in my entire life.  You couldn't even see their little bodies as they were all covered with gauze, wires, tubes and numerous other devices that were helping them stay alive.  They even had little blindfolds over their eyes to shield them from the bright lights of the NICU and their isolettes.  One funny thing though, the diapers they were wearing, because they were so small were called WeePees.  I couldn't make that up if I tried. That's what they're called..  Pretty funny..

As I mentioned, we were originally told we were having a boy and a girl.  Then, at about week 24 or so, we were told to stop telling people that. Then, after delivery, we were told we had a boy and a girl again.  So we guessed the original genders were correct.  However they were telling us not to say anything to anyone about the sexes until we had a conversation with the doctors.  We were ushered into a conference room and suddenly were standing in front of about 12 doctors and specialists.  We had a feeling this was not going to be your normal conversation.

We could not have been more right.  They proceeded to tell us the reason why they could not give us the gender of one of the babies.  It had been born with a chromosomal genetic abnormality called Mosaic Turner Syndrome.  A chromosome analysis test called a karyotype determined the diagnosis.  Some of the characteristics of Mosaic Turner Syndrome are short stature, a high palate making it difficult to eat, coarctation of the aorta, and ambiguous genitalia (the baby had all 4).  When the babies' chromosomes were replicating, early on there was a mistake.  A genetic abnormality if you will.  One of the X chromosomes did not pair up with a Y, it was left blank.  That mistake replicated all the way down so the baby only had 15% XY and 85% XO.  Therefore, we had a decision to make.  We had to decide the gender of our child.  Was the baby going to be a boy or a girl?

Now there are some decisions a person makes that defines who they are going to be.  For example, what college you go to or don't go to, what job you take or don't take, who you date and perhaps eventually who you do or do not marry.  However there are very few decisions that one makes that defines their life.  This would be an decision that defined mine.

We met with teams of doctors including genetic specialists, endocrinologists, urologists, among others. Tests were run and it was concluded that the baby was in fact making testosterone, however was not making  enough. Based on the absence of any female indicators and all signs pointing to male indicators, the decision was made that the baby would be a boy.  Because the normal reproductive system had not fully developed, numerous surgeries would need to be performed in order to create a functioning reproductive system.  These would happen over the next few years.

Now that the decision was made, it was time to name the babies.  We had already had 1 boy name picked out because we knew were having at least 1 boy.  However when we were told to stop telling people we were having a girl, we knew we should have a second boy name just in case.  Thus, Daniel and Douglas were officially named and soon became household names.

This is by far not the end of the story as this is the ever-evolving tale of the Twins of Anarchy.  But writing this particular blog was quite cathartic for me as I've told the story before, but never put it down on "paper".  I do wish I had started this back when I found out we were having twins.  Well, there's always next time..  Eh, I don't think so.  :)

When Life Gives You Lemons: Part 2

It started like any other..  A nice day to go with your dad to the ballpark to watch the hometown team..  I knew I wasn't going to have many more chances to do that so I wanted to get it in while I could.  My dad and I enjoyed a great day at Fenway on the Sunday of Labor Day weekend 2007.  My wife, completing her 28th week was just as happy to relax on the bed with the dog and sleep.

We both went to sleep fairly early that night knowing we both had the day off the next day for Labor Day.  Plus, it was a long day for me traveling to Boston, the game and getting back.  Even though it's only an hour away, an hour back and the game was 3 hours it turned into an all day thing..  Always does.  I can honestly say it was one of the most sound sleeps I had been in in a long time.  And then, around 1am, poke poke..

"Um, honey, I think I'm having contractions".

"Huh?"  Oh, ok I'll get the watch and the paper.  Having finished the birthing class about 2 weeks earlier, I knew what my role was.  We time contractions for about 30 minutes and they are all over the place.  My wife just doesn't feel right and wants to call the doctor which was fine.  She calls the local hospital which is affiliated with our hospital in Boston and who does she get?  The one doctor out of the 6 she had seen that she didn't like. That doctor wanted us to come to the closer hospital.  When my wife asked what would happen if she needed to deliver (remember she just finished her 28th week) the doctor said well they would deliver there and then send the babies to Boston.  So when she tried to confirm that we would just follow the ambulance after, the answer was no, you'll stay here..   Well, then that was a big fat no thanks.. we'll just go to Boston.  It's 2am and I'm sure there won't be any traffic..  we'll take our chances..

So I quickly packed a bag (thankfully) and we started off to Boston.  Unfortunately, the only way we knew that time to go was Route 9, which is ALWAYS under construction..  So someone who was having contractions and had to drive in a car going over unevenly paved road with exposed sewer caps, she was less than thrilled.

They say it never happens like it does in the movies..  I'm calling shenanigans..  that's EXACTLY the way it happens..  We pull up into the emergency zone, and I get her out of the car screaming, "I need a wheelchair and a doctor!" We wheel her into the hospital and fill out endless forms before we can enter..  We finally get brought into an area to get checked out by a doctor.  While my wife is being tended to, I'm being asked a whole host of questions..  I think I answered all of them, I really don't know..  I do know the nurse was very impressed I knew her social security number (my wife's, not the nurses.  That would be have awkward). Then, I heard a doctor say "I can feel a head.  we need to get you the delivery room stat!"  Ok, I don't know if she said stat, but I'm keeping with the whole movie theme..  They literally threw scrubs at me and pointed me to a bathroom to go change and meet them outside. 

Do you remember the scene in Pulp Fiction after Vincent Vega's date with Mia Wallace where he's in the bathroom contemplating whether he should sleep with her or not all while she's OD'ing on the super crank he had in his jacket?  That was kinda the scene here where I'm getting ready with these scrubs asking myself in the mirror if this is really happening or is it a dream..  How could they be here already we still have 3 months before they're supposed to be born, we're not ready, we don't have anything, etc.. While it seemed like an hour it was probably only a minute or so.  I came out of the bathroom to an empty hallway.  No one.  I thought that can't be good.

Finally I find someone that said my wife needed to be taken to the ER immediately and they couldn't wait.  I got directed where to go and by the time I got there, they had already closed the doors and unfortunately, I was not allowed to enter.  So once again, like in the movies, I am sitting there in the hallway pacing around by myself wondering what was going on.  Then, like an angel I hear a familiar voice, "Ben?"  Now, my wife always complains that I know someone wherever we go.  I ran into a fraternity brother on the plane to Hawaii for our honeymoon for example.  There isn't a sporting event, concert or random place we go to that I don't see someone I know.  However, this time I think she would be happy.

"Kristin?"  It was an old friend of mine from growing up who happened to be working that night and was heading into the ER where my wife was giving birth.  It was her job to make sure that once born the babies airways were clear and they were breathing well.  Let me tell you, not being allowed to be in that room was the worst feeling ever.  After hearing about everyone else's experiences being in the delivery room, being together, taking pictures and video, to know I wasn't going to get to do that was deflating.  I knew these were the only children we would have which means I will never get to experience it.  A hole that will always be vacated.