Blocks

Recently we went over to a friend's house for dinner and they have a year and a half old boy. While my boys were playing in 1 room, the other 3 adults were cooking and I was on toddler duty.

Man, that kid was all over the place.. Climbing on chairs, playing with this, going into the other room, wanting to play with that.. It was like he had new batteries in him and was fully charged, ready to go!

Then finally we settled on stacking blocks. We sat there for about 30 minutes just stacking blocks, but he was having so much fun. (And to be honest, so was I). It had been a long time since I just sat there and stacked blocks. He was doing really well too.  I started remembering all the times we sat there and played with blocks, etc with the boys and how much fun it was..  Did I miss this time? Did I miss it enough to want to have another child?

To quote one of my favorite movies, A Bronx Tale: "Thanks, but we're good where we are".

Reading is Fun

I understand we as adults and parents have a lot on our plates. Whether it's paying the bills, cleaning the house, doing the laundry or sometimes even having to do some work at home after hours. But you should never, ever, ever say no to your child when they ask you to read to them. This is one of those times where it's just you and him/her (or them) and they are totally fixated on what you are saying and showing them. You have their undivided attention for around 10 minutes and they love it. That is precious time you should never turn down. As they get older it also gives you a chance to practice the alphabet, spelling and reading.

Plus, it gives you a chance to re-live all the books that hopefully you read as a kid. Where The Wild Things Are (aside from that kid being a spoiled brat) was one of my favorite books as a kid. Miss Nelson is Missing which they are starting to enjoy. Not to mention all the Dr. Seuss books. But there are many good new books too. Giraffe's Can't Dance, Walter the Farting Dog and the Pigeon books by Mo Willem, just to name a few.

Moral of this post: Enjoy the time you have when your kids actually want to spend it with you. Before you know it you'll just be this embarrassingly uncool adult who gives them money.

Casual 5

Can a 5 year old be casual? Don't get me wrong, Douglas is definitely a 5 year old.. Still throws tantrums sometimes (not ok), can't go to bed without a hug and a kiss (always ok) and is lacking in the "trying new foods" department, although he is getting better.

But honestly, he's more like a teenager. He's very casual in his movements. He's got teenager tendencies.. For example, we'll go in to tuck them in and see him just laying there with his hands clasped behind his head while sleeping.  He'll even do that while sitting on the couch. He's also eating us out of house and home yet the kid weighs only 37 pounds.. I swear I have no idea where it goes!

He is very, very funny..  Fresh, but funny.. With that devious type of smile you know something is going on in that evil genius head of his that can't be good. Yet you have to laugh because he is so funny.  He's also very comfortable. And while many teenagers are uncomfortable for a variety of reasons, there are still many that are. And he is very comfortable in who he is, what he wants and when he wants it. He does things on his own terms and doesn't let many things dictate otherwise. I like these traits.

But if this is how he is at 5, oh man what is he going to be like when he really is a teenager?

Blank Slate

For lack of a better term, kids are blank slates. They may have some innate talent or intelligence passed down that is hereditary, but otherwise, pretty much blank slates.

We can make these children into anything we want them to be. We can teach them manners, or we can teach them to be rude. We can teach them to read so they can learn, or we can teach them to watch TV so they can zone out. We can teach them to try new foods and expand their taste buds, or we can just feed them processed food which is bad for them, but we know they like just so they eat.

Whitney Houston had it right when she said that the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Jesus, did I just quote Whitney Houston from memory?  Ugh, don't worry I'll show myself out of man town.

But seriously, when our kids grow up, they are going to be the next leaders of our country. The next teachers, the next architects, the next programmers, the next pro athletes, the next everything. So don't we want to give them the best head start we can?

I'm not saying it's going to be easy. Nothing worth doing ever is. To quote one of my favorite movies, Road Trip: "That's why they call it a shortcut. If it was easy, it would just be the way". Don't take any shortcuts. it'll be worth it in the end.

Prodigy

Everyone thinks their kid is a prodigy of something.. Whether they can hit a golf ball at 2 (my son is the next Tiger Woods) or they can write their name at 3 (they're going to become the next great author), and so on and so forth.

Truth is, prodigal-type talent is mostly inherited. I have no concrete data to back that up, but just indulge me here. My guess is the reason Jason Bonham is such a kick ass drummer is because his father was such a kick ass drummer. And when you are around that type of environment when you are growing up, the part of you that inherited it comes out if fostered correctly. That doesn't mean that kids who don't have John Bonham as their father won't grow up to be amazing drummers, it just helps a little bit..

But don't worry if your child isn't exhibiting signs of being a prodigy of athletics, mathematics, science or anything for that matter. Sometimes a kid is just a kid. The majority of them are. I took the Twinado bowling by myself this Sat morning and then we spent a few hours outside at the playground, the soccer field and the track. Man, were they pooped! (and so was I). They got great exercise on a gorgeous early spring day and now they are relaxing because they are tired. Sometimes I think we push our kids too hard because it's important to have them try so many different things to figure out what they like and what the don't.

Sometimes we just need to let them be kids and I think they'll figure that out all in good time.

Oh, by the way, this is prodigy drummer I recently saw on the interwebs.. He's 6.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=g1qg9myFCqw

Times, They Are A Changin?

There's definitely something weird going on.. Not sure what it is though. Daniel has always been big into Superman and Douglas into Batman. It's like blasphemy if you even look at it as the other one will freak out saying "no that's mine"! Same way with some stuffed animals. Douglas has this puppy which he affectionately calls, well, puppy. And Daniel this very soft and cuddly blue bear, appropriately named, well, blue bear. Daniel also has this white pound puppy he just calls white. I don't know where they come up with these names.

Now it gets weird. Earlier this past week, Daniel actually gave, not traded mind you, gave his blue bear to Douglas for him to have in his bed while he sleeps. This is the blue bear that goes with him to his grandparent's house every weekend. He cannot sleep without it. Instead he wants to take this alligator.

This alone, while a little weird, would not have been such a big deal.

However, this past Saturday he allowed Douglas to wear his long sleeve Superman shirt. Ok, he's being nice and sharing his shirt. But then, in a stunning turn of events, said that he could keep it in his drawer! I had to ask him 3 times to make sure I was hearing it correctly. This essentially means that he will no longer wear it. Because they wear the same size shirts, their drawers are kind of interchangeable, however they do have "their" shirts that only they wear. The Superman shirt was definitely one of those and is now being discarded like an expired coupon. Douglas then gave his Batman shirt to Daniel which is now his to wear along with puppy to sleep with.

It gets even weirder. I went in to tuck them in before I went to bed and didn't even realize until the next morning that they had switched beds!!

Are they growing up realizing they want different things?  Are they just going through a phase? What are they going to do next say that they don't want to wear Angry Birds, Ninja Turtles or Phineas and Ferb underwear anymore?  Oh, that is going to be a sad day..

Where Were You

There are those moments for all of us. Some are personal and some are local, national and even global.

For people who remember, they know where they were when JFK was shot. (Way before my time). They know where they were when the Challenger exploded. (I was in my classroom having recess because my teacher for whatever reason wouldn't let us watch. Another student barged in and told us what happened). They know where they were when 9/11 happened. (I was at work and when told that a plane had hit the WTC, I asked NY or Boston because I knew my mother in law worked at the one in Boston).

But if we think about the ages that we were when certain life events occur, we don't remember much when we're young. I was 10 for the Challenger so I remember that. But I don't remember the Iranian hostage crisis as I was only 3. I don't remember Reagan or Lennon getting shot as I was only 4.

I've struggled going back and forth on whether or not to expose my kids to some of the horrors that are happening in today's very screwed up world. They do not know, to the best of my knowledge about the shooting at Sandy Hook. All I did was come home that night and hug them as tightly as I could. And we snuggled for a long time before they went to sleep. We have never talked about it.

As for yesterday, I don't believe they know either. The TV was definitely on while they were eating dinner, but they did not pay attention. They did not ask what happened, nor did I offer it up. Even though my son had someone running in the marathon for him as part of the Miles for Miracles program with Boston Children's Hospital, he still did not ask. We had been there at the finish line just 48 hour earlier.

Do I show them the video? Do I then teach them about what true evil looks like? Do I save their innocence, even if it's just for 1 day until the next evil comes along in some other form?

I brought them into work with me today. Really for no other reason than just to be with them. It seemed like a good day to do it. We had lunch together in the kitchen. They drew me pictures. It was nice.

My guess is in the future they would not remember what happened yesterday as they are only 5. And even if they did remember, they may not be able to process it completely now so their memory of it would be faint at best.

I think I'll leave it alone and hopefully they'll never know what evil really is.

Twinny Twin Twin!!

New York City, 6p. Wendy Smith is boiling some water for dinner and accidentally burns her right hand. At the same time, across the country in Los Angeles, Wendy's twin sister Bonnie feels a sudden and sharp pain in her right hand. Coincidence?

Remember those? Whether you believe them or not, there is no doubt that twins is an interesting thing. There is absolutely an innate connection. While mine are fraternal (two separate eggs fertilized), they are still as close as identical. We saw 3D ultrasound pictures of them in the womb where they would be rubbing heads. And very often, after they came home, if we put them in the same crib to nap, they would end up with their heads touching, even though they didn't start that way.  It also happens on the couch. They'll be sitting on the couch watching a movie, separated by maybe 1/3 of the couch. Sooner or later you just see them drift towards each other until they are right next to each and don't even realize it.

Sometimes I equate them to the aliens in one of my favorite 80s' movies, "Just One of the Guys". (I highly recommend it). There are these alien twins who appear at the school and cannot be separated. Check out this clip. Fast forward to about the 1 minute mark to see what I mean:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMwIYmgviP0

I'm not saying it's always like this, but there are points where they need to be together. I swear there's nothing cuter than going into my twins' room and finding they are sleeping in the same bed. Only they don't always start that way. Clearly at some point one goes into the other's bed. Daniel has a full size bed and Douglas a twin. For a while they were sleeping in Daniel's bed and that was fine because there was enough room for both and as long as they slept, we didn't care. But lately, they've been wanting to sleep in Douglas's bed, which remember is only a twin. Now we all know how much room there is in a twin bed. More likely than not, many of you reading this have slept in one. Sometimes even with company. We all know it's not the most comfortable of night's sleep.

But really, who is it hurting? Well, I guess it's hurting Douglas because he woke up with a bloody nose the other morning. You know why? Because Daniel had hit him in the face while he flailed around in his sleep because there's NO ROOM FOR TWO PEOPLE IN A TWIN BED!

But we figure it's easier to let them grow out of the stage where they want to sleep in the same bed then force them to do anything that will produce the sound from this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMwIYmgviP0

Baby-Proofing

Should you do it? Yes you should. Is it necessary to wrap everything in your house with bubble wrap?  No. Kids need to learn boundaries.

Take the proper precautions like putting covers on the outlets. We put safety locks on the cabinets in the kitchen that they could reach. We made sure to tell them what was and what was not acceptable. What they could open and what they couldn't. However, that only goes so far depending on your kids.

We were at a friend's house one day when my boys were about 18 months or so. Then one of mine comes up to me with the lock that was on my friend's entertainment center cabinet and hands it to me. So much for that child proofing!

But we have a coffee table that has some sharp corners. I think I've gotten hurt on them more than the boys have. But if they did get hurt, they would learn to be careful and not to play around the coffee table.

I'm not advocating doing nothing and just letting them go nuts all over the house and get hurt all the time. Take the necessary precautions when they start becoming mobile, but leave some things off the list and test them. Tell them no and that they are off limits and see how it goes. If they listen and understand, then slowly remove certain things as they get older. Before you know it, it'll be a non-issue for both the kids and the parents.

Less is Better?

So I've had this opinion for a very long time about something.. Some people disagree and that's fine. It may not even work for everyone as everybody is different. But it works for me and I guess that's all that matters.

Let me ask you a question: When it's the winter and you get into your bed and it's cold (because you're just getting in) do you warm up faster with more clothes on or less?

My thought has always been that the less clothes you wear to bed, the more contact the comforter has with your skin and therefore transfers the heat more quickly warming up your body faster. Am I crazy? There are people out there who swear by wearing socks, sweatshirt, sweatpants, etc to bed saying they're cold so they wear layers.  But to me, that doesn't make sense. The heat from the comforter has to go through all of those layers to get to your body.

Perhaps it's the difference between wearing more clothes takes you longer to get warm but keeps you warm longer because the heat is trapped in from all the layers, or wearing less clothes makes you warmer faster but escapes easily there's less clothes in which to trap the heat.

I guess it will be one of those age old questions that's never answered. All I know is the best cure for a cold bed is to bring your yellow lab up and use her as a space heater.

Feeding

So I'll be switching gears a bit and delving into some tips for dads of twins.. I wish someone had been there to help me with these things along the way, but hey, sometimes you gotta just do it yourself and figure it out.

So we had a lot of feeding issues when the boys first came home (not to mention in the NICU). I mean, 45 minutes for one of them to take about 1-2 ounces, only to have them throw it all back up. Yeah, and at 2am it pretty much meant that life sucked.

So we invested in some bouncy seats, but they were more upright and we didn't utilize the bouncy function. We were sleep deprived, but not idiots.. So after feeding one, we would him hold upright for about 10 minutes and carefully burp hopeful not to bring up everything that was just consumed, if that was anything. Then, carefully put into the bouncy seat. This allowed the baby to be help upright as much as possible to help with digestion while we fed the other one. Then, when the 2nd one was done, we would switch them, wait another 10 minutes or so and then put the second one back in the crib.

It definitely worked..  It took a little more time overall, but it got better as time went on because they would be eating more and puking less as their stomachs grew. So if your twins (or singletons for that matter) have reflux issues, try holding upright for a bit after eating and then place in a more upright bouncy seat to let everything settle before putting back down flat in the crib. That will hopefully work as well for you as it did for us.

And this is not a one way street. If you have tips that you think other parents would benefit from, please feel free to post in the comments as the more information the better!

The Day

For anyone who knows me, I have pretty much been the same weight since I graduated college..  There was this uptick of about 10 pounds my senior year from 150 to 160, but I honestly have no idea why.. Must have just been a fluke; you know, one of those things..

Anyway, I've been hovering around 150 for the better part of almost 15 years now (ugh, has it really been almost 15 years since I graduated college?) and I've been able to eat pretty much anything I wanted.. It's a gift you know?  It's like I can't control it. (Anyone who's seen The Girl Next Door knows that line). My metabolism, thanks to my grandfather, helped me out with that..  Truth be told, I've always been pretty active, but I've slowed down a bit in recent years.. With a full time job and the Twinado, my nights of playing indoor soccer have disappeared and my days of pick up hoop games with friends have waned into non-existence. Don't get me wrong, chasing the boys around, playing at the park with them or even taking the dog for a walk is good exercise, just not to the level I'm used to.

However I had an epiphany recently, or maybe it was a hallucination from the excruciating pain I was feeling while enduring my third kidney stone in the last 8 years.. I have no idea why God picked me to have these, but oh I am so thankful!! I used to think that you're never given anything you can't handle (see previous blogs), but seriously this isn't even funny.  My first one was in 2004 when living in Smallbany, NY. I would write a blog about that, but we weren't even there long enough for anything interesting to happen.. Oh, except for all of our belongings being stolen by the movers, but that's another blog for another day I guess..

It was in the middle of the night and it was pain unlike I had ever experienced before.. I had never really had any type of pain experience like that so I wasn't sure what to expect.  Of course, Amy wasn't feeling well that night so she had taken the red devil (NyQuil) so she could sleep.  So there she is in her NyQuil coma and I am writhing around in pain on the floor thinking something is going to burst through my side like in Alien (yes, I know, that was his chest but your kidney's aren't in your chest now are they?) 

Thankfully my wailing eventually woke her with obviously no clue as to what was happening.  Not knowing the area too well, or really what was going on, 911 was the best course of action.  While the ambulance is on its way I thought I could make it to the door.  It is the middle of the night, in February, in Albany so it's not exactly balmy out. Somehow I have clothes on when the paramedics arrive.  I thought I could crawl the length of the hallway from our bedroom in the back of the apartment to the front door, which in retrospect isn't that long, but seemed like one of those never-ending hallways.  Well, I didn't make it.. I collapsed somewhere between the end of our bedroom and the beginning of the kitchen, which was probably a total of 5 feet.  They had to put me on one of those chairs that keeps you in a tuck position because the pain of having to straighten my body was unbearable. Amy followed along in her car while the ambulance drove to the hospital which was about 5-10 minutes away. I do remember them hooking me up to the IV and giving me morphine for the pain.  I remember them saying " OK 5 cc's of morphine" and administering it.  Then they ask you, if you've never been in an ER or ambulance for a pain-related emergency, "describe the pain from 1-10?"  So I said 20!  OK, I'll let you in on a little secret here.. I don't deal with pain well.. I mean, a cut on my finger, or s stub on the toe, big deal.. but real, actual pain?  Nope..  So they gave me another 5 cc's of morphine. After a minute or two, they asked me again and I think I said 15.  So yes, they gave me 5 more cc's of morphine and then I was floating.  I was done. No more pain.  No more anything really..  The relief was the best thing I had ever felt..  Until it wore off at some point in the hospital so they gave me a prescription for Vicodin. While at CVS filling my prescription for Vicodin, the pharmacist asked me what it was for as it was heavy medication.  I told her it was for a kidney stone and she said, and I quote" I have had 3 children by vaginal birth and I have had 1 kidney stone.  I would gladly have 3 more children by vaginal birth than have another kidney stone." Fan-tas-tic.  Now make with the Vicodin before the one I took wears of..  

Unfortunately, I did not pass it so I had to sit on the couch for a few days and in between popping Vicodin drink those 24 oz sport bottles of Poland Spring and pee every 5 minutes into a strainer to hopefully pass a stone that was about half the size of a grain of rice, if that..  Tons of fun let me tell you..

The second one, of course in the middle of the night again was not as bad as before the ambulance even arrived I was already starting to feel better.. It didn't mean I wasn't in pain and didn't gladly accept the morphine they were giving me, it just didn't hurt as much for as long the second time. However, circumstances had changed because we had 2 very young children and in the middle of the night, it just wasn't going to be possible to have Amy and the boys follow me.  So after I was released, the ER called me a cab and yes, I took a cab home from the hospital. Only, I didn't have any money and had to plead with the guy to take me home explaining my situation.  I was praying that we had some cash at home to give him and thankfully, we had just enough.  Sorry dude, no tip this time.. Maybe next time..

And yes, there was a next time.. For the kidney stone, not the cab thankfully..  But of course, the middle of the night (there has to be something to this) and there it is again.. Agony.. After already having had two of them, I knew exactly what the pain was. So we pack up the boys in the car and drive to the ER. Toridal and Dilaudid this time around, which did the trick.. We were only there for a few hours and still was able to get a few more hours sleep on Saturday morning..  However, we were planning on going with some friends to Davis Farmland which had already been postponed once for the weather.  It was the boys' birthday weekend and I didn't want to miss it.  So I perc'd up and it was pretty fun actually.. 

 
So, the real point of this blog (if you're still reading) is that for the first time in my life, I'm on a diet.Well, it's not really a diet I guess, just trying to cut sodium.  You would not believe the sodium content in some things.. I'm not saying that too much sodium will kill you, but there are lots of things that we eat that can have lasting effects on our health  I'm not here to preach don't worry.  But my point is in addition to the fact I have no want at all to relive the pain of another kidney stone, I do have the want to see my sons grow up. . These last 5 years have totally changed me. But it doesn't have to be just kids. It can be parents, grandparents, siblings, grandchildren, whomever.  It doesn't matter who as long as it's someone. I'm not saying don't enjoy life, I'm just saying make sure you make it last a long time. And while I don't want to go too crazy, I will if I have to.  Because I think it's worth it.

Reflection

This blog is usually pretty light-hearted, but unfortunately sometimes I need to be serious.

Everyone has problems and/or issues with their kids.. No one's child is perfect (although we all like to believe so). Trust me, I know. Medical issues started with my kids while they were still in the womb! Some children have difficulty eating, some have chronic illnesses, learning disabilities, and other issues that we believe are so awful that we become so stressed about them and they start to take over our daily lives.  Not to make light of anything (I never would), but in many ways a lot of these issues are manageable whether via medicine, therapy or just good old fashioned time where the child will grow out of whatever it is.

However I heard some news yesterday about a friend's daughter that really threw me for a loop. Losing a child is quite possibly the worst thing I can think of right now. I don't know what I would do.

Thankfully they are persevering with help from friends, family and loved ones and coping the best they can with this obviously unimaginable tragedy.

So the next time you find yourself complaining about your child's issues whether it be not pooping in the potty, having trouble walking, or anything else, know that it more often than not will get better. The reason is because each day is another opportunity.

Now go hug your kids and tell them you love them.

Best of You

We made a conscious decision when we had the boys (at some point when we were conscious, but I'm not quite sure I remember when that was) that the one place we had that was sacred was our cars.  No kids music in our cars.  Period.  We were going to listen to what we liked and they were going to deal with it.  And it actually worked.  That decision has paid enormous dividends already as our kids go around singing Foo Fighters, Green Day, Beastie Boys (you gotta hear that shit, it's pretty funny).  It makes long car rides that much more enjoyable when instead of Sesame Street we're listening to Marilyn Manson covering "This is Halloween" from Tim Burton's A Nightmare Before Christmas.  For whatever reason, they're not scared.

So one day while on the way to school and listening to Foo Fighters, I told them that mommy and daddy have seen the Foo Fighters twice in concert.  So naturally, the next question is "Can we go see the Foo Fighters?"  Now, of course, these are the kids who used to go screaming from the vacuum cleaner because it was too loud.. They're supposed to sit through 3 hours of Dave Grohl, Taylor Hawkins and company?

So naturally I said, "well, when you're older".  But why?  Do we shield our kids from certain things just because of their age too much?  What if my boys were 10?  Would it be ok then?  Does everyone's first concert have to James Taylor or the Moody Blues?  My first concert wasn't until I was 16 (Steve Miller Band on the lawn at Great Woods).  But since there's no lawn anymore as well as it not being called Great Woods for many years, I don't go too often).

When I was 10 years old there was this huge pop star named Michael Jackson.  You might have heard of him.  He was kind of a big deal.  He was coming to the Boston Garden on tour and my sister and I wanted to go.  We were told no. Sorry mom, but looking back that would have been the most kick-ass show to say my first concert was Michael Jackson in the mid-80s.  I'm over it, but I digress.  The reason was because I was too young.  But I think that an experience like that could shape people.  What if going to that show at 10 years old brought out some love of music I didn't know I had.  Maybe then I wouldn't have had to fake play the clarinet later that year in my elementary school concert because I had no idea what I was doing. We just don't know.

Life is all about experiences and what you take from them and make from them.  So while taking my 4 year olds to see the Foo Fighters would probably be a little irresponsible, I'd say the show is quite possibly in their near future.  Because you never know, maybe it'll open up something inside of them that makes them the next Dave Grohl. (Oh that would be so awesome).

It's Like It's Their Sex

This post is in collaboration with guest contributor Jeff Blasbalg.

I have 2 boys so I don't know how it is with girls. I can only guess that the days are filled with playing dress up, dolls and dance recitals.. But that's just a guess. It might be something totally different, but I don't know.

What I do know is that I am a guy. And it's no secret that guys think about sex. There was some study done that said a guy thinks about sex like 40 times a minute. Now I didn't do the study, but that seems a little extreme. Or dead on, one or the other.

But anyway, even if it's 30 seconds out of every minute, guys think about sex a lot. Well, obviously 4 year olds have not discovered sex yet (at least we hope not). So what do the lives of 4 year old boys revolve around? Super Heroes. You name it, they love it. Superman, Batman, Spiderman, Hulk, Green Lantern, etc. It doesn't matter which one sometimes, just as long as it involves a super hero. We're talking t-shirts, bathing suits, lunch boxes, sheets, towels, sunglasses, plates, cups. Seriously, it never ends..

And it's all they talk about.. It's all they do. You think 40 times a minute is a lot to think about and/or talk about one subject? These boys live and breathe super heroes every waking moment of every day. It never ends.

I wonder what's going to happen when they discover girls and start thinking about things other than super heroes? Well let's just hope they upgraded their sheets by then.

Name Game

Sitting in the pediatrician's office the other day I was reading a magazine. You know one of those magazines that says they're for parents but really the only time they mention a dad is when they are telling them what to get the mom as a gift for what a wonderful job she does raising their child all by herself with no help from him..  But I digress, that's a blog for another day..

So there I am reading letters that parents (moms) have written in with stories about how their wonderful child's name came to be..  I mean some of these were ridiculous..  One person wrote about how they named their son Reef because they were avid scuba divers and loved the ocean.  Another couple named their daughter Azure because she was conceived on a picnic blanket underneath a clear azure sky..

Really people?  What ever happened to naming your child the old conventional way?  After movie characters..  When we were told we might be having 2 boys and not a boy and a girl we quickly had to come up with a second boy name..  At this point we were both dazed and confused about everything going on and since that's one of our favorite movies, we decided a name from that movie would work well. And it's even more fitting he's got this creepy Wooderson laugh..  Alright, alright, alright...

When Life Gives You Lemons: Part 3

This is where the movie part ends. There were no flowers or cards or cigars.  I sat alone in my room for a couple of hours, but it seemed like an eternity.  Unable to see my wife or my children I had no idea what was going on.  Occasionally a nurse would come in and ask if I needed anything like water, etc..  While it was appreciated, it certainly wasn't going to help.  It was the middle of the night, well technically now very early in the morning so we weren't going to call anybody.  We had already made the decision that evening on the way to the hospital that if we did have the babies that we would wait until the morning to call and not have any one come that day.  It was going to be hectic enough without having people around to ask questions we just didn't know the answers to.

Finally I was able to see my wife which was nice..  She had done such a great job.  I was so proud of her.  But we were so concerned about the health of the babies that we really had no time to think about anything else.  Because they were so premature, born at 28 weeks and 1 day, they were immediately moved to the NICU (Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit) where they would be hooked up to more wires and tubes than I would ever see in my entire life.  You couldn't even see their little bodies as they were all covered with gauze, wires, tubes and numerous other devices that were helping them stay alive.  They even had little blindfolds over their eyes to shield them from the bright lights of the NICU and their isolettes.  One funny thing though, the diapers they were wearing, because they were so small were called WeePees.  I couldn't make that up if I tried. That's what they're called..  Pretty funny..

As I mentioned, we were originally told we were having a boy and a girl.  Then, at about week 24 or so, we were told to stop telling people that. Then, after delivery, we were told we had a boy and a girl again.  So we guessed the original genders were correct.  However they were telling us not to say anything to anyone about the sexes until we had a conversation with the doctors.  We were ushered into a conference room and suddenly were standing in front of about 12 doctors and specialists.  We had a feeling this was not going to be your normal conversation.

We could not have been more right.  They proceeded to tell us the reason why they could not give us the gender of one of the babies.  It had been born with a chromosomal genetic abnormality called Mosaic Turner Syndrome.  A chromosome analysis test called a karyotype determined the diagnosis.  Some of the characteristics of Mosaic Turner Syndrome are short stature, a high palate making it difficult to eat, coarctation of the aorta, and ambiguous genitalia (the baby had all 4).  When the babies' chromosomes were replicating, early on there was a mistake.  A genetic abnormality if you will.  One of the X chromosomes did not pair up with a Y, it was left blank.  That mistake replicated all the way down so the baby only had 15% XY and 85% XO.  Therefore, we had a decision to make.  We had to decide the gender of our child.  Was the baby going to be a boy or a girl?

Now there are some decisions a person makes that defines who they are going to be.  For example, what college you go to or don't go to, what job you take or don't take, who you date and perhaps eventually who you do or do not marry.  However there are very few decisions that one makes that defines their life.  This would be an decision that defined mine.

We met with teams of doctors including genetic specialists, endocrinologists, urologists, among others. Tests were run and it was concluded that the baby was in fact making testosterone, however was not making  enough. Based on the absence of any female indicators and all signs pointing to male indicators, the decision was made that the baby would be a boy.  Because the normal reproductive system had not fully developed, numerous surgeries would need to be performed in order to create a functioning reproductive system.  These would happen over the next few years.

Now that the decision was made, it was time to name the babies.  We had already had 1 boy name picked out because we knew were having at least 1 boy.  However when we were told to stop telling people we were having a girl, we knew we should have a second boy name just in case.  Thus, Daniel and Douglas were officially named and soon became household names.

This is by far not the end of the story as this is the ever-evolving tale of the Twins of Anarchy.  But writing this particular blog was quite cathartic for me as I've told the story before, but never put it down on "paper".  I do wish I had started this back when I found out we were having twins.  Well, there's always next time..  Eh, I don't think so.  :)

When Life Gives You Lemons: Part 2

It started like any other..  A nice day to go with your dad to the ballpark to watch the hometown team..  I knew I wasn't going to have many more chances to do that so I wanted to get it in while I could.  My dad and I enjoyed a great day at Fenway on the Sunday of Labor Day weekend 2007.  My wife, completing her 28th week was just as happy to relax on the bed with the dog and sleep.

We both went to sleep fairly early that night knowing we both had the day off the next day for Labor Day.  Plus, it was a long day for me traveling to Boston, the game and getting back.  Even though it's only an hour away, an hour back and the game was 3 hours it turned into an all day thing..  Always does.  I can honestly say it was one of the most sound sleeps I had been in in a long time.  And then, around 1am, poke poke..

"Um, honey, I think I'm having contractions".

"Huh?"  Oh, ok I'll get the watch and the paper.  Having finished the birthing class about 2 weeks earlier, I knew what my role was.  We time contractions for about 30 minutes and they are all over the place.  My wife just doesn't feel right and wants to call the doctor which was fine.  She calls the local hospital which is affiliated with our hospital in Boston and who does she get?  The one doctor out of the 6 she had seen that she didn't like. That doctor wanted us to come to the closer hospital.  When my wife asked what would happen if she needed to deliver (remember she just finished her 28th week) the doctor said well they would deliver there and then send the babies to Boston.  So when she tried to confirm that we would just follow the ambulance after, the answer was no, you'll stay here..   Well, then that was a big fat no thanks.. we'll just go to Boston.  It's 2am and I'm sure there won't be any traffic..  we'll take our chances..

So I quickly packed a bag (thankfully) and we started off to Boston.  Unfortunately, the only way we knew that time to go was Route 9, which is ALWAYS under construction..  So someone who was having contractions and had to drive in a car going over unevenly paved road with exposed sewer caps, she was less than thrilled.

They say it never happens like it does in the movies..  I'm calling shenanigans..  that's EXACTLY the way it happens..  We pull up into the emergency zone, and I get her out of the car screaming, "I need a wheelchair and a doctor!" We wheel her into the hospital and fill out endless forms before we can enter..  We finally get brought into an area to get checked out by a doctor.  While my wife is being tended to, I'm being asked a whole host of questions..  I think I answered all of them, I really don't know..  I do know the nurse was very impressed I knew her social security number (my wife's, not the nurses.  That would be have awkward). Then, I heard a doctor say "I can feel a head.  we need to get you the delivery room stat!"  Ok, I don't know if she said stat, but I'm keeping with the whole movie theme..  They literally threw scrubs at me and pointed me to a bathroom to go change and meet them outside. 

Do you remember the scene in Pulp Fiction after Vincent Vega's date with Mia Wallace where he's in the bathroom contemplating whether he should sleep with her or not all while she's OD'ing on the super crank he had in his jacket?  That was kinda the scene here where I'm getting ready with these scrubs asking myself in the mirror if this is really happening or is it a dream..  How could they be here already we still have 3 months before they're supposed to be born, we're not ready, we don't have anything, etc.. While it seemed like an hour it was probably only a minute or so.  I came out of the bathroom to an empty hallway.  No one.  I thought that can't be good.

Finally I find someone that said my wife needed to be taken to the ER immediately and they couldn't wait.  I got directed where to go and by the time I got there, they had already closed the doors and unfortunately, I was not allowed to enter.  So once again, like in the movies, I am sitting there in the hallway pacing around by myself wondering what was going on.  Then, like an angel I hear a familiar voice, "Ben?"  Now, my wife always complains that I know someone wherever we go.  I ran into a fraternity brother on the plane to Hawaii for our honeymoon for example.  There isn't a sporting event, concert or random place we go to that I don't see someone I know.  However, this time I think she would be happy.

"Kristin?"  It was an old friend of mine from growing up who happened to be working that night and was heading into the ER where my wife was giving birth.  It was her job to make sure that once born the babies airways were clear and they were breathing well.  Let me tell you, not being allowed to be in that room was the worst feeling ever.  After hearing about everyone else's experiences being in the delivery room, being together, taking pictures and video, to know I wasn't going to get to do that was deflating.  I knew these were the only children we would have which means I will never get to experience it.  A hole that will always be vacated.

When Life Gives You Lemons: Part 1

I can't stand that expression..  It's not always so easy to just "make lemonade" out of lemons.  Sometimes life gives you something for which you are not prepared, nor could you ever be.  I would put having twins up there at the top, at least for me.

On April 2nd, 2007 we went to my wife's doctor for a check up.  We saw the nurse who was performing the ultrasound.  As we watched the computer monitor, she nonchalantly said "so, you know you're having twins"..  I can't even put a question mark at the end of that sentence because in reality, it was not a question.  She was thinking she was confirming something we already knew.  Oh she could not have been more wrong..  The shocked expression on our faces was something out of a horror movie where the soon to be victim just realized the killer was inside the house..

"Wait, what?" I asked?  Being April 2nd, where the previous day was April Fools Day, I of course asked "this isn't some belated April Fools joke is it?  Because if it is, it's not really that funny".

The nurse then said, "oh no, see that little dot right there?  That's Baby A and then see that little dot right over there?  That's Baby B".

I will be honest..  The first thing that went through my head was not excitement; it was a dollar sign. Thousands of them.  2 mouths to feed, 2 kids in diapers, 2 kids in daycare, 2 Bar Mitzvah's!!!  I really don't recall when it set in..  Not sure it truly has.

The next few months which should have been full of joy, shopping and excitement were some of the longest months of my life chock full of doctor's appointments.  I feel like that's all we did.  Doctor after doctor and test after test. With my wife not being very big (5 feet or so) and carrying twins, obviously the doctors wanted to monitor her closely.  Oh, and the fact that she had had multiple back surgeries, including 2 spinal fusions, didn't exactly help matters.

Then, at about 20 weeks or so we had an appointment.  The ultrasound revealed a two-vessel cord on Baby B (Normal would be 3 vessels).  Baby B also had a distended stomach.  Now either of these things alone is no real cause for alarm.  However the two characteristics together can be a marker of certain birth defects such as Down Syndrome.  The doctor then tells us that we should seriously start thinking about considering selective reduction.  And yes, it's exactly what it sounds like.  While an amniocentesis could potentially confirm a diagnosis, at this point it would be too dangerous for the healthy twin and it would not 100% confirm anything.  So really, we had nothing to gain from doing the procedure and everything to lose.

She says she would like to see us next week to discuss, but we were going away to North Carolina for vacation, our last before the kids. We tell her we are going away and then she tells us she is on vacation the following week so she can see us when she gets back.  What?  We're supposed to now have this life-altering decision weighing on us for 3 weeks, including our vacation?  She seemed very indifferent to the situation and saw no immediacy in a resolution.  I guess in retrospect we could have canceled our vacation but the stress of the situation was really baring down on us and we needed this break for whatever sanity we had left.  Regardless of what your beliefs may be, when faced with that type of decision it is not as easy as you think. You start weighing things you never thought you would weigh, speak words you never thought you would speak.  But after some discussion, the decision was clear. Already knowing we would not be selectively reducing the twins, we decided it might be best not to go back to that doctor and start seeing one in Boston where the twins would be born.  Though it would be a much longer drive and require more time for appointments, we felt it would be well worth it in the long run, and we were right.

We saw this fantastic doctor at a hospital in Boston and were told we were having a boy and a girl.  We were elated!  1 of each and we're done?  Oh this was great, we could not have been happier..   We had names picked out and everything..  Then a few weeks later, at another ultrasound (which seemed to be a weekly occurrence) the doctor asked "what did I tell you that you were having"?  We told her she had said a boy and a girl..  And the doctor said something I will never forget "Um, you may want to stop telling people you're having a girl".  Wait, what?  The reason for the confusion was that Baby B was not cooperating very well in opening its legs so even a 4D ultrasound (which I HIGHLY recommend if you can, very cool) could not determine the gender for sure.  Another reason was that there was a possibility of the fetus having ambiguous genitalia.  One could understand the lack of confidence in the gender with these two factors. 

More doctors and more meetings with geneticists, urologists, counselors and on and on and on it seemed..  The doctors also wanted us to rethink having an amnio.  We believed it was more to satisfy their curiosity about the gender of the babies.  However, the cons far outweighed the pros.  There was no guarantee that the amnio would be 100% and there was a good possibility that the healthy baby could move, puncturing its sack and sending my wife into early labor.  That was certainly not an option (at least at this point).

Cadi-Girl

I had Cadi (that lovable yellow pooch in the picture) with me at work today..  So when I got back from my lunch I took her on a walk, which is customary when I bring her in.

After getting money from the ATM, I open the door and there is a mother and father walking in between a little girl, maybe 2 or so.  And while she rarely does it to people she knows, when she sees new people she sometimes barks (Cadi not the little girl.  I have no idea whether the little girl barks or not).  Anyway, Cadi barked in this little girl's face and I thought the girl was going to go flying into the street..  I had to admit, it was pretty funny..  Thankfully the parents weren't too concerned as they saw she was on a leash and we all went on our merry way.

It got me thinking that I'm so glad the boys are growing up with a dog.  They are being taught to respect animals and that not all animals are bad and/or dangerous.  They are great when meeting new dogs and are not scared.  They always put their hands out for them to sniff and get their scent.  They love curling up with her on the couch to watch a movie or just pet her as they know it makes her happy.  They love throwing the frisbee to her when it's nice out and enjoy taking her for walks. Even as recent as this morning I told the boys to say goodbye to Cadi as they were off to school and after Mitch said goodbye, Max says "no, Cadi's MY doggy"..  It was pretty funny.

I really have no idea what's going to happen when the inevitability of life rears its ugly head..  Forget about comforting the boys, who the hell is going to comfort me?!  I have a feeling that the two of them will be strong enough to comfort me and help me through it.  In the meantime, I'll continue to laugh as she barks in little kids' faces.